Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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