Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
