I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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