I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
