i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
