The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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