Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
