You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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