It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
