This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
