I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
