This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
