I faked an abortion last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
