I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
