I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to calm my uterus...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
