I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
