Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
