I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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