is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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