Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
its liver damage thursday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
