you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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