So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
