I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
