he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
