I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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