I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
