I think I died a long time ago.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
