Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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