maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize