New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
