i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
