im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
