Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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