Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
