now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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