He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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