I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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