I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
