Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
