so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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