you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
