lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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