So drunk its hurt
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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