Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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