Joe is yelling at the trees again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
