I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
