She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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