Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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