Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize