Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
