Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dicks are not precious.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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