New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
