In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
