i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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