I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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