It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize