i jhust puked up my retainher.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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