i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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