i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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