A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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