I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
