Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
