Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
