I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
