i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
