Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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