I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
