I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The air taste purple.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
