At least make sure they are 18
Why
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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