I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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