I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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