Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
