I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
