question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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