What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
