I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
