i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
