Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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