Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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