I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
