I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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