Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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