Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize