I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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